Love Is Blind
by Moose Voose
Summary: I know what he is. I know he's bad. All signs point to it; he's got less than angelic goals. But I didn't care. I didn't care if he were to "crucio" me. These feelings wouldn't die, this need to be with him, always…it was all consuming.


**Love Is Blind  
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**By: Moose Voose**

**A/N: **I really enjoyed this piece. I ended up having to edit this twice, and there are still plot holes. But I can't help it; the piece wrote itself! And what I left out was left out on purpose. If you have any questions, I respectfully request you do not leave it in a review. Perhaps it's just a pride thing, but when people read my reviews, I'd like them to see what people thought of it, rather than random questions. I'd be happy to answer ANY questions you have in a PM. I sincerely hope you enjoy my attempt to portray Tom Riddle and a nameless girl who got caught up in his internal battle of true happiness or the fear of death. (Of course, since you're reading this from the girl's point of view, you'll never quite understand Tom's motives. Again, all it takes is a PM to understand them)

* * *

><p>I know what he is. I know he's…bad. All signs point to it; he's got less than angelic goals, in a long line of psychopaths.<p>

But as I sat there, numbly watching him from my safe Gryffindor table, the way he sat so close to _her_, I realized I didn't care. I didn't care if he'd "crucio"ed me. These feelings wouldn't die, this need to be with him, always…it was all consuming.

It was odd, the way I loved Tom. He could be cold and ruthless. Sometimes, the things he'd say, I felt as if he'd just knocked the breath out of me. That cold anger in his eyes when he'd sneer down at me after I'd done something particularly repulsive… But I loved the way that while he loathed my weakness, he'd protect me with a dedication that almost scared me. The way he would never say he loved me, but would smile at something stupid I'd said to made him laugh, the way he seemed to melt when we went exploring…

I loved him, good and bad.

But he…didn't love me.

That much was clear as he leaned over and kissed her lips softly, tenderly, in a way he'd never done with me. He had never even considered public displays of affection. I hadn't minded; I hadn't thought it was my right.

It was hers. As was his heart. The thought brought me a ripple of agony. That love, the desperate need to be with him was completely and utterly unreciprocated. The thought was so foreign to me; I'd _never_ doubted Tom's feelings because I hadn't expected much. But now it was being shoved in my face.

Hadn't I always known? Tom was always smarter than me, stronger, not to mention maddeningly handsome. I was mediocre. I wasn't good looking or…or good at anything at all. I hadn't cared.

Before out breakup, I had never doubted myself. I'd never been insecure. I'd been sure of myself. Now, when I looked in the mirror, I saw dull eyes and too many freckles. I wasn't tall enough, or thin. _Thin. She_ was thin. Murderously so; long, willowy limbs that mocked my own. She moved with grace, smiled that winning smile with poise. _She's beautiful. _And I'm not.

They look so perfect together, so picturesque. Everyone must have wondered what he was doing, wasting his time with me.

His lips moved, whispering something in her ears. Her tinkling laugh could be heard across the hall. My heart sank. I wasn't beautiful. My laugh wasn't graceful and like bells; compared to hers, I sounded like a donkey braying.

They really did deserve each other. And Tom really…didn't love me. There was absolutely no doubt of that. He couldn't even spare me a smile. With her, he actually looked happy.

I watched with wide eyes as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear and he gave a loud laugh that knocked the breath from me.

I clamored to my feet and ran from the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>I couldn't stop the tears and the sobs that wracked my chest as I curled up into a ball on my bed. I rocked back and forth, trying to cry out the misery I felt. Whenever I cried, Tom wouldn't ever comfort me. He'd order me to stop and think rationally. Then he'd rebuke me for losing control. But the next day, the cause of my former misery was usually, mysteriously, in the hospital wing.<p>

Not any more.

The sound of his laugh echoed in my ears, and I gave a painful sob. I had _never _heard him laugh; and she was the one to do it. I'd heard him chuckle and definitely snort. But never laugh.

He hadn't even spared a glance in my direction; he hadn't since he'd ended it. He was perfectly fine. He didn't feel any of this pain that I felt.

Tom probably loathed me. I was imperfect on every level; I only marred his image. He'd obviously wasted enough time with me. That had to be why he ended it.

It hurt to breath, to think that when I left for classes tomorrow, I'd have to see them together again. It made want to crawl into a hole and die. I couldn't do it, couldn't see them so happy together.

I wanted for this to be a horrible dream and I'd wake up. I'd run into Tom's arms and he'd berate me for taking him by surprise. And then he'd call me stupid for thinking that he'd leave me and get together with another girl…Well, he wouldn't say the last part. But I'd see it in his eyes and it would be okay and…and…

I thought of my life ahead of me. Not a moment of it was with Tom from here on out. I'd spend decades and decades without seeing him. The thought was unbearable. Live…my life…without him? The one who I'd given my heart to? How could I ever live normally with this…this hole in my chest? How could I date, get married, have a family, when all I wanted was _Tom_?

I wanted Tom; that was all I knew. He was who my heart beat for, it was the name I spoke at the end of every sob. I wanted to spend every day with him, wanted to hear his voice from the moment I woke up, wanted to have more time to try and make him laugh…

They'd been together for one week, and she'd already made him laugh. She was so _perfect_. He probably loved that about her; she was everything he'd wanted in me. It was so blaringly obvious. Tom could _never_ love me.

What I wanted didn't matter. Tom didn't want _me_.

I was hiccupping insanely fast and my ribs were aching. But I couldn't stop sobbing, couldn't slow the tears. My life was falling apart…and Tom didn't care.

* * *

><p>Potions. One of my three classes with Tom…and <em>her<em>. She was a Slytherin like him; pureblood. Lovely and polite; everything that comes from being raised in a rich, prosperous family. He probably loved that about her; the fact that she could behave in public.

They were lab partners, and I watched with glassy eyes as they worked together quickly and efficiently, as if they could read each other's minds. When Tom and I had worked together as lab partners, I'd goofed off and tried to basically sabotage the potion while Tom got increasingly more frustrated with me. But sometimes…he'd smile. That's what I loved about Tom; he was always so focused, so mature… And yet, sometimes, I was able to crack though it and amuse him.

"Um, you should start stirring the potion," My partner, Kent Parker, stated awkwardly.

I looked away from the blissful couple, feeling tears prick at my eyes as I worked. I didn't dare blink, lest they fall. If Tom saw me crying, he'd be disgusted. He'd think I was one of the most pathetic creatures to walk the Earth. Even now, though, I didn't care what others thought of me. I didn't care that they all probably thought I was a pathetic ex of Tom Riddle. Because I _was_ pathetic.

"Hey, stop stirring! It's turning blue!" Kent snapped sharply.

I jumped and stopped with a blush. "Right," I whispered. My voice sounded foreign to me.

"Now, just mash in these slugwerth livers…" He ordered, tone more gentle.

I nodded and began to attempt to hammer them into a the proper consistency. It didn't do much good; I felt like all the strength had been zapped from my arms.

"Here, let me," Kent sighed, mashing them in seconds.

"I softened them up for you," I said. The words were totally _me_…but it was like a cheap imitation. I sounded like a zombie.

Kent snorted and scraped the mush into the fire. I looked at the instructions on the board, and began to stir the potion two times clockwise, one counterclockwise, and once down the middle…

"Perfect! Now we let it simmer for ten minutes," Kent stated smugly.

I nodded mutely, eyes trained on Tom and _her. _I still couldn't think her name. They had already been waiting for the potion to sit, and were talking in low murmurs to each other. Suddenly, she gave a giggle and he cracked a smile. She met my eyes, and then looked back at Tom with another giggle. I felt my face pale.

_They're…laughing at me…_

My legs were moving before I had even registered it. I was running out of the Potions classroom door without a second thought.

* * *

><p>"Ms. Dover, I'm sorry to hear about your breakup with Mr. Riddle. But you absolutely cannot go on skipping classes!" Headmaster Dippet stated.<p>

I set my jaw. "I don't care what you say. I didn't sign up for Hogwarts this year to have you put me through hell."

"Ms. Dover!" Dippet gave me a hard glare. "You will attend your classes if I have to escort you to them. That is not a _choice._"

I looked away, feeling myself begin to tear up. Apparently, nothing was my choice. Everyone could hit me and knock me down, and I couldn't do anything to avoid the blows.

"Fine," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I'll go to my stupid classes." I jumped to my feet and walked away, wanting to find a dark corner to cry in. _No matter what, I can't escape Tom._

I felt my stomach growl as I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't avoid classes, but I could avoid meals. Besides, it made me feel better. Whenever I saw my ribs in the mirror, I felt a sense of satisfaction. There was physical proof that I was in pain, that I wasn't alright.

* * *

><p>It had been almost a week since I'd eaten something. I didn't have energy to stay away during classes anymore, not that I could focus anyway. Starving <em>hurts. <em>

Maybe I was doing this because I did want to die. I _do_ want to starve. I want Tom to know that I love him so much that when he ended it, he killed me. I want to hurt him, I want to hurt him as much as he's hurting me.

But that's impossible. Tom doesn't care about my existence. If I were to disappear right now, he wouldn't even notice.

That's why I avoided him at meals and stubbornly slept during classes. So I'll never have to see him with her, yes, but so he would really see me. He doesn't really see me suffer anymore. All he sees is me…desperately losing control.

* * *

><p>"Lemon drop?"<p>

I gazed into the eyes of one of my favorite professors and my Head of House. Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes almost twinkled as he offered me the dish. I slowly shook my head from side to side. The effort that I had to exert to do that was disturbing.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Professor," I said dully. "Why am I here?"

"I am here…to accomplish an intervention," He stated calmly, retracting the glass dish. "You're not even staying awake during class, and you're not attending meals. You've receded from all social gatherings and what I want to know…" I stared into his eyes, forcing all emotion from my face when he suddenly said the words I had least expected to hear: "…is are you or are you not a Gryffindor?"

"I…" I stared at him.

"It's who you are," He said gently. "You are brave and noble. It is _who you are. _You are in this house for a reason."

"I'm sorry, Professor, but what does this have to do with my breakup with Tom?" I asked.

"I'm telling you that you have allowed him to have too much control over you," He stated calmly. "Even when he has left you in the dust, you're still completely under his control, which only feeds his sense of success. I am not tell you to get over him, or pretend that you are not suffering. What I'm asking you to do is to take this like a Gryffindor. I want you to have three meals a day among your friends in the Great Hall. I want you to study before every class and get an 'O' on every single assignment. I want you to be brave in the face of all this pain. I'm saying this, not as your teacher, but as somebody profoundly worried about you, who has watched you grow up and blossom into a beautiful young woman…I'm saying this as somebody who believes in you."

Something about the kind, empathetic look on his face broke the dam. I felt my eyes cloud over with tears and felt my face crumble, a sob wracking my chest. "He was everything that makes sense…and now I feel like I can't breathe…" I blubbered nonsensically.

"I know that you're in deep pain. I'm not undermining that," He said, his tone communicating that he _did _seem to understand.

"I know," I whispered.

"Bad things happen for a reason," He murmured. "Everything gets worse before it gets better. You have to believe that, Ms. Dover. You will be so happy if you just hold on. Right now, it feels like the world is ending. But when it doesn't, you'll find yourself stronger than ever...it will give you the motivation to live a happier life." He seemed to be speaking from experience, otherwise his blue eyes wouldn't be boring so intensely into mine, as if he had lived it and was trying to help me out. "You are already stronger than you know."

"No, I'm not. If I was strong...he wouldn't have left," I said, voice cracking. I was unashamed of the steady stream of tears.

"Ms. Dover, you don't seem to understand Tom Riddle. He sees love, affection, any show of emotions to be a sign of weakness. Everything that makes you who you are is what he detests," He tried to explain. "Just because Tom has baggage that blinds him doesn't make you any less worthy of happiness."

I stared at him, horrified and more hurt than I could possibly convey. "T-then it was meant to fail? I never had a chance with him? The fact that I love him will push him away?"

Dumbledore looked uncomfortable now. "I understand that this seems like a bad thing, but you will be grateful for this later. There is somebody out there who will love you like you deserve. It seems like the end of the world now, but time will heal you."

He didn't understand. Tom was who I loved, who I would _always _love. I gave my _heart _to him; I couldn't ever take it back. Tom was _it. _I would never get over him. And Dumbledore just confirmed that I was meant to be alone, meant to hurt, meant to be miserable. I know Dumbledore thinks I deserve better than Tom, and I suppose I know I shouldn't love him either. But love is blind. It's too late. It's too late for my heart, and I was born too late for his affection.

But he was right. I could still bear my curse, the curse of never being good enough for the one I love most, with grace. I could face it like a Gryffindor. I could find the strength to live, even without the only think that could truly make me happy. I could live with empty life, I could live a life full of loneliness and misery...for Dumbledore. From my friends...For Tom.

"You are strong enough," He repeated.

I whispered, "Thank you. I'll try, I will...though I'm not sure I'll succeed."

"That's what makes you so brave. You're ready to try anyway, even though you're not sure you'll make it," He said gently. "But you will. Just you wait. Everything will work out for the better.

* * *

><p>For the first time in almost two weeks, I stepped into the Great Hall. I sat in my usual clique at the Gryffindor table. They all were ecstatic at my return and were quick to accept me back.<p>

It hurt to breathe, and I didn't want to eat. I gazed at the food, and a lump formed in my throat. Swallowing it and a bit of hot tears, I choked down a few bites. I already felt nauseous. I wanted to stop. But I remembered Dumbledore. I met his eyes across the Great Hall. He smiled back and winked.

Taking a deep breath, I stomached down three more bites before my shrunken stomach was filled. I had no doubt that I was going to vomit it up soon. Nevertheless, I sat a little straighter in my chair and met Tom's eyes across the Great Hall. I felt an ache so deep in my chest that I went rigid in my chair. Longing for him, pain at the knowledge he didn't love me…The feels were almost magnified by my reeling stomach. I looked away from him.

It hurt. It still hurt so much worse than I remembered, seeing them together. But I was going to take it like a Gryffindor.

* * *

><p>"It's been four months!" Alison moaned. "You need to <em>move on.<em> Go on a date, for Merlin's sake!"

I smiled at her sadly. "I'll think about it," I lied. There was nothing to speak about. Four months, and I didn't cry myself to sleep every night. I could go an hour without thinking about him…if I was immersing myself in my studies. I was able to _pretend._ That was all that mattered; pretending.

What Alison didn't understand was that there was absolutely no way that I was going to get over Tom. At least, I'd never truly move on. My heart, while no longer bleeding and broken, was still heavily scarred. Anybody who wanted in…would have to fight hard. And who would waste the time?

Not that it would make a difference. After all this time, they were still wrong. All I wanted was Tom. All I dreamed about was _Tom. _If I wanted to be with anyone in the world, rich, famous, or handsome, I would still pick _Tom. _Would I perhaps become tired of this empty life, this life without love or happiness? Probably. But would it change anything? Nothing. Not matter how I felt, the only one for me was Tom.

And that's what would always hurt. Tom, by refusing to love me, had ruined my life. But Dumbledore was right; Tom was destined to be loved by me...but I was destined to be unloved by Tom. But Dumbledore was wrong about Tom not being able to love anyone; he loved somebody else clearly.

Her laugh echoed in my ears. _After all this time…I'll never be able to get over the fact that I wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough for…anyone._

* * *

><p>I felt panic set in as I banged at the door wildly, adrenalin racing through my veins, heart hammering. <em>No…no…This can't be happening! <em>

"Nobody will hear you," He said quietly.

"I know," I whispered. I leaned my head against the door and slid to the ground, unwilling to let him see my face. There was no way this conversation could accomplish any good.

"We should have had this conversation long ago," He stated. "I'm shocked you didn't see it coming."

"Your victory speech?" I demanded as I rose to my feet and turned around. "You rubbing it in that I'm absolutely miserable without you, and you could…could care less?" I was surprised by my sudden anger. It must have been buried beneath layers and layers of longing and general despair.

He waited a moment, as if to see if I was going to explode suddenly. "I mean, the conversation in which…we talk about what we were."

"What, do you think I have any doubts in the matter?" I asked incredulously. "There is absolutely _nothing_ for us to say."

"That doesn't satisfy me!" He snapped. "Because you _don't_ know. You _never _know the whole story!"

"What is there not to know?" I demanded in a whisper. Tears were blinding me at the memory of the past five months, five months without him, five months drowning in the knowledge that no matter what happened, I was never going to move on. What more could he tell me? How many different ways could he phrase: "I can never, ever love you."

"How about…" He took a deep breath, as if gathering courage. "How about the fact that I have been absolutely _miserable _without you? Did you guess that?"

I stared at him, feeling the blood drain from my face. "Don't…" I whispered. "Don't…do this…" _Don't give me hope, only to tear it away. I'm content to live in misery without you. If you give me hope, if you make me wish for more, and then take it away...I'll die._

He shook his head. "I've gone _five months. _Everything is dull without you. There is…no color. And Alicia…she's _boring_. She never does anything spontaneous and she's…independent. She doesn't need me. She hates to be left out of anything, she doesn't _respect me_—"

Anger, hot as steaming coals coursed through my veins. I saw what he was saying, and I couldn't, wouldn't settle for it. "I am _not _your doll, Tom!" I yelled. I stamped my foot, tears pouring down my cheeks. "_I will not be the default!_" I screamed it as loud as I could. "You will _not _do this to me. All you're saying is that she wasn't good enough for you and that you want somebody under your control! _I won't!_"

"See, that's it!" His blue eyes sparkled. "That's what I love about you. That spark…I-I can never predict you." He looked fevered, out of control. It was gloriously beautiful.

"I don't care! I don't care what you want! Tom, I may love you, but that doesn't mean I want to be with you!" It was as if he didn't hear me, didn't register my words of protest.

He moved forward and captured my lips with his own, the lips that had been _hers _for so long, were now mine once more. "I want you," He whispered as he pulled away. "You, and only you…You're all I want."

Dazed and dazzled, I gazed up in his eyes and felt that familiar warmth in my chest. It felt so good, having him so close, feeling that he wanted me... But…

I back away from him. "I don't believe you," I whispered.

He growled. "How can you not believe me?"

"Because…because it doesn't make sense for you to love me!" I stated, the tears picking up again. "You want somebody perfect, somebody beautiful and talented and…and Alicia. But I—"

Tom didn't have patience for me, as usual. "Haven't you been listening? I don't want Alicia!"

"But that doesn't mean you want me!" I yelled back. "You don't know what you want!"

"I've been tortured for five months over what I want!" He snarled, leaning his face in close. I literally couldn't breath. His eyes, so intense and as beautiful as the heavens, boring into mine...I drank it in like I'd been thirsting for years. "Don't you _dare _tell me what I do or don't want!"

I took a step back and smacked into the door, trying to sort through my confusing feelings. I wanted him, wanted him as much as the air I breathed. But Dumbledore was right. He was _right_! These months without him had taught me that living without him was better than him taking me back and then using me, leaving me more broken than ever. Because he would, and he wanted to. And I was not going to fall prey. I adored him, I _love him! _But I refused to hurt myself more than necessary. "You want me?" I whispered. "Then you're going to have to do a lot more than kiss me to prove it."

"You want me to prove myself?" He demanded, shocked. "How can you—"

"And more than that," I interrupted, "As perfect as you are…" I remembered Dumbledore. "I deserve better. As much as I love you, I can't…won't take you back until you have changed."

"Changed?" These weren't the words he wanted to hear. He thought I would be easy pickings.

"Changed isn't exactly the right word," I admitted. It was a lie. I just didn't want to intimidate him. "Well, how about this, Tom: the day you can tell me that you love me under the influence of veritiserum, I'll be yours. Forever," I stated.

"What? You're…you're setting a deal on—"

I cut him off, furious at his ridiculous ploy to appeal to my sense to romanticism. "You know, this is letting you off _easy!_ I almost starved myself, you _bastard!_" He seemed shocked at my language, as if he was surprised that I would dare insult him. "You drove me to the point where I didn't even want to live. I have lived with the fact that I am not good enough for you for _far too long. _You don't seem to understand the pure…torture that I have went through. And I have become…stronger. Strong enough to know that I deserve better than what you're offering me!"

Tom's resolve seemed to strengthen instead of weaken as his competitive side kicked in. "Fine. Your deal is on."

* * *

><p>Since the beginning, I'd always sat with Tom. I hadn't minded too much, though I felt horribly out of place at the Slytherin table. But as long as I'd been able to sit by Tom, it had been fine.<p>

But as I entered the Great Hall the next morning, I decided that I refused. I met Tom's eyes across the room. He seemed to beckon me. I set my jaw and sat with my friends as usual.

"Tom's staring at you," Alison noted in a hushed whisper.

I didn't answer; I just continued to butter my toast. _I'm not proving myself to him. _That was my constant mantra.

I nearly jumped three feet in the air when a few moments later, I heard the most beautiful voice in the world mutter, "Excuse me, I'd like to sit here."

I gaped as Alison scooted over wordlessly and Tom slipped into the vacancy beside me. His jaw was set as he muttered to me, "Good morning."

"Tom," I gaped at him. "What are you…?"

"You have Charms next period, don't you?" Tom said smoothly. "Have you finished your essay?"

"Uh, yeah." I'd taken Dumbledore's advice to heart and was acing all of my classes; not without extreme effort. I don't know how Tom did it!

"Good," He approved. "He's giving a quiz over it the moment you turn it in."

"…Okay, so maybe I should review it before I turn it in," I admitted.

"And we're dueling in Defense Against the Dark Arts tomorrow. I'll help you brush up on your spells."

"Are we going to be dueling partners?" I asked.

"No," He snapped.

"What—" He cut off my protest with a murderous glare.

"No!" He said, tone low and commanding.

I gazed at his hard blue eyes. I set my jaw and walked away. _You can't tell me what to do._

* * *

><p>"You're being too hard on him!" Alison warned. "He's going to give up."<p>

"I know…But this is the only way to know if he actually wants to be with me," I said softly.

"You love him, right? Well, what if you push him away?"

"I love him, but I love him no matter what," I pointed out the obvious. "I need to know that he is a better person…or at least loves me! If not, then all he can do is hurt me more."

She sighed after a long silence. "You sure you want to keep on this way?"

"I'm sure."

"I hope you won't regret this."

* * *

><p>"…Flowers?" I gaped, mouth wide open. "You're giving me flowers?"<p>

"I knew peonies were your favorite," He stated, refusing to look ashamed. Tom was never really ill at ease, or at least, if he was, he didn't want to show it.

I was so touched. Before, I was lucky if he even cared enough to allow me to accompany him to Hogsmead. But here he was, flowers in hand, ready to take me on a planned date. "Tom…" I looked him deep in the eyes. "Thank you." _As long as this lasts._

* * *

><p>It was a warm summer day. Tom and I had escaped to the lake to try and duel a bit unhindered, but soon I was laughing too hard at what a mess I was making that I had to collapse. (I also may have become a bit light-headed from his sheer beauty under the flattering glow of the sun and the broad smile on his face) After a while, he joined in the grass. The old Tom would never have allowed us to get distracted. I was still puzzled as to why he was trying so hard to change. I wasn't anything special, so how could he possibly benefit from my love? It was truly mystifying.<p>

"You know why I didn't want to be your dueling partner?" Tom said after a long period of peaceful silence.

I started. Tom…was about to explain himself? Tell me what he was thinking? Was he…trusting me? Just a bit? "Why?" I breathed.

"I knew that if we dueled, I'd get too competitive…and I'd hurt you. Alone, I could reign it in. But in front of students…I wouldn't have allowed you to beat me. And me sending you to the Hospital wing would by far have botched my chances with you."

"You're ridiculous. You telling me what to do irritated me more than if you had hurting me in a duel!" I rolled my eyes.

"It bothers me when people hurt you…especially when I'm the one who does it." He suddenly rolled his head to the side, his perfect, tousled black hair caressing his forehead, eyes guilty. "I know that if I hurt you, it'll be so hard to apologize. That…I won't apologize."

"It's alright," I said gently. "I don't need you to say the words to know when you're feeling sorry for hurting me."

"I know." That didn't seem to comfort him.

* * *

><p><em>I knew I had to find Tom. Not for comfort, but because I knew that if I found Tom, I'd find the truth…about us.<em>

_I was running through the corridors, and suddenly, I was at a door. I knew that on the other side of that door was Tom. I thrust it open. "Tom—" I stopped dead, unable to speak at the sudden pain that was already tearing me in half._

_Tom, Alicia, entwined together at the edge of the bed. Tom's shirt was already off, and his own hands were tugging at Alicia's shirt. She looked like she belonged in his arms, as achingly beautiful as the man who was embracing her._

_Tom met my eyes, broke the kiss…and smiled. "You honestly thought any different?" Then he returned to Alicia's passionate kisses. _

I sat up with a gasp, tears streaming down my face as I stumbled to my feet and ran out of the dormitory, out of the common room, breaking into a sprint. I had to get out of there, I had to keep moving, I had to run from the reality that no matter how much I fooled myself, Tom could, never, _ever _be mine—

"Hey, hey!" Strong arms stopped me in my tracks as hands steadied me. The one person I hadn't wanted to see was in front of me. "What's wrong? Why are you out of bed?"

"You…She…I can't…" _Tom doesn't like it when I cry. _I didn't want to force back my tears. I didn't want to hide. So I struggled out of his arms and turned on my heel and ran.

"Hey!" Tom yelled. "Stop!" I heard him curse and begin to run after me. I stayed ahead of him for a total of two corridors before he stopped me. When he caught me, I began to cry hysterically. He began to shake me, surprisingly gentle. "What's wrong with you?" He demanded. "Why are you crying?"

My reasons were stupid. _"I had a dream where you and Alicia were together." _It sounded foolish, and I hadn't even considered saying it out loud. I hiccupped as I forced myself to stop crying. "It's n-nothi-ing," I gasped.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He demanded, tone hard.

Mutely, I nodded, feeling stupid and small.

He sighed. "What was it about?" And then he did something that shocked me. He leaned against the wall and sank to the floor, an open sign that he was giving me his undivided attention. What had happened to the old Tom that would have scorned me and called me horrible names for allowing a bad dream to get to me?

"It was..." I swallowed. I was about to throw his kindness back in his face. "You. And…And Alicia. Together. You were—"

"Stop!" He interrupted, tone frustrated. That was a Tom I recognized. "I get the idea." He pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, he got to his feet and place his hands on the wall beside either side of our head, his face inches from my own, blue eyes blazing. "I thought I already told you: I want you. I don't. Want. Alicia."

I gulped. "I c-can't he-elp it," I muttered through hiccups. "When I thi-ink of who y-y-you be-long with…"

"Alicia was boring," He said snidely, cutting me off. "She was exactly what she thought I wanted. But I wanted somebody genuine, somebody interesting, something hard to get along with. A challenge. You."

Tom had no problem saying what he felt about me. He was sure of himself, and he attempting to be sure of me. I squeezed eyes shut, a tear slipping down my cheek. "Words can't make it go away. I was so sure…so sure that she was perfect for you. What you wanted. She's everything I'm not. It was salt in the wound. You left me, and a week later, you were with _her. _She made you laugh and…and smile. Things I couldn't do."

There was a long silence, and I was afraid to move. In the old days, if my weakness had become to much, Tom would have lashed out. When I doubted him in any aspect, it was even worse. He'd become livid; once, he even slapped me across the face. Finally, almost reluctantly, he spoke. "I was trying to make you jealous," Tom sighed. "I didn't do it for the intent of ever taking you back. But…even then, I wanted you to want me. So I…pretended. I pretended that I'd never been happier than with her. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to know the extent of how much I've purposefully tried to hurt you. But if it'll help you sleep through the night…" He shrugged.

I should have been livid at that. He'd put me through _hell_ so he could feel good about himself. But he cared enough to tell me. He _told _me. He wanted me to sleep through the night…and he had wanted me to want him. Tom had made an inexplicable change in these last two months. A change I loved. A change that was bringing something back between us that I'd thought we'd lost forever: trust.

With that, I let my eyes flutter shut and, for the first time in what felt like a million years, our lips met.

* * *

><p>I waited in my compartment with my friends nervously, worrying, worrying, worrying. Where would Tom sit? Would he sit with me and my friends, or perhaps wait till Hogwarts to meet up with me? Or…maybe he'd woken up over the summer and realized…<em>realized I'm not worth it.<em>

It wouldn't surprise me. He hadn't kept any contact with me over the summer, so I really had no idea what he could be thinking.

If he had changed his mind…I think I really would die. I don't think I'd survive it. Because I'd begun to hope, and to have that torn away from me would surely destroy me.

Forty minutes into the train ride, I gave up all hope. He wasn't going to come in. That pretty much meant that it was the end.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie," Alison rubbed my back comfortingly. "I was so sure he'd come."

"It's alright," I wiped the pricking tears from my eyes. _Why does he always make me cry? _"I think I already knew it."

There was a knock at the compartment door and to all of my friend's surprises (and mine), Tom Marvolo Riddle walked into the compartment with flowers and a few chocolate frogs…my favorite. (Yeah, yeah. Unoriginal. But chocolate frogs are classic!)

"Sorry that I got held up; I had to go to the Prefect meeting and smuggle in the goods." He gave a small smile which all too soon turned into a frown. "What's wrong?"

"I…I thought…" I stared at him.

"You thought I wasn't coming?" Tom guessed. It really was annoying that he could read my mind. "Might I remind you that I haven't seen you in three months. I'm not going to miss eight hours of time to catch up with you," He stated firmly.

He was so much more forward than I remembered, especially in front of the girls.

I could help but smile at him. "Thank you."

"For making you cry?" Alison snorted.

"For coming," I growled back.

He gave a small chuckle and sat beside me. He whispered lowly in my ear words I'll never forget. "I'll always come."

* * *

><p>I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited by the lake. Tom was thirty minutes late; a far cry from his ten minutes early policy. I was sure enough of Tom to know that he wasn't standing me up; too much had happened in the last seven months since the train for me to ever doubt him again.<p>

I never thought it would be possible, Tom Riddle loving me. But he had tried _so hard _to change. He'd completely turned his life around. He was still controlling, protective, stubborn, competitive, and was still prone to putting up a front in front of others. But he wasn't…abusive. He never dared insult me now, because one, I wouldn't take it, and two…he's getting to a point where he doesn't even think those negative things in the first place.

I've never been happier. Last year, it had nearly killed me that Tom didn't feel the same way. Now…I was in a perpetual state of bliss. When Tom tried something, he gave his absolute all. And, for some unfathomable reason, he'd chosen to give his all into _me_.

And boy, his efforts weren't wasted.

"Sorry I'm late," Tom called as he sprinted to my side. "I overestimated my thieving abilities."

"Thieving?" I frowned. "Tom, what were you—" I cut off abruptly at what was in his grasp. "Tom, is that….?"

"It is," He said earnestly. "We can try it on you first if you think I've diluted it."

"No, it's fine," I breathed. It felt like I couldn't get enough air.

Tom gave a brilliant smile as he took a few drops of the liquid. "Ask me anything."

I bit my lip. _Everything comes down to this moment. This could change everything. His next words could destroy me._ "Tom…" I whispered. "Please, if you…I don't know if it…" _Don't do this to me. Don't say it, this will destroy me if you don't feel the same way-_

"I love you," He stated, tone strong and sure, eyes earnest and bright.

I gave a cry of joy and threw my arms around his neck. "I know, I know," I whispered as I held him in a choke hold. Now my fears seemed silly. Of course I'd been afraid; I wouldn't have been human if I hadn't. But the words, while putting my fears to rest, hadn't surprised me. I'd known, deep, deep down, all along. "I know you love me."

"I would feel a lot less vulnerable if you would repeat it back to me," He muttered gruffly, not meeting my eyes. I felt a burst of euphoria at the fact that he was allowing me to see that he was uncomfortable. That took _so much _trust, I knew. And I would never take that for granted.

"You silly, silly boy! Of course I love you!" I laughed.

As our lips met, I felt a spark of bliss I'd never quite achieved before. There had always been that doubt. No more. From this moment on, I _knew_ that he loved me just as much as I loved him.

"I would have said it before," He whispered. "I would have told you, but I knew you wanted to wait…for this moment."

"I'm sorry that it took a truth-telling potion for me to finally believe you," I whispered back.

"I'm sorry that I put you in the position to—"

"We have the rest of our lives to say sorry," I interrupted. "For now…just hold me."

And he did. And, in a sense, he never let go.

THE END.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Again, I'd be happy to answer any questions you have in a PRIVATE MESSAGE, and not in a review. I promise not to start a flame war with you if you didn't like my piece, and I apologize for any shortcomings on my story telling. I really don't have any excuse for the poor quality of my writing besides sheer inexperience. I want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from whoever was kind enough to read this tale. :D


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